Balls to the Wall by April Canavan
Release Date: February 16, 2021
Series: Birch Police Department #1
I can’t escape the past no matter how fast or how far I run.
I’m broken and damaged, and nothing will change that.
Not after my husband died overseas and I was left alone.
All I can do is keep moving forward.
But what I don’t expect is one cop in particular to get under my skin.
Making me want something more.
He hates me.
Everywhere I turn, he’s there, watching me.
Waiting for me to screw up.
I’m not going to give up, though.
Not when I finally found something that makes me happy.
I know how short life can be and I’m not backing down.
Remy Townsend doesn’t stand a chance once I make up my mind.
After all, we grew up together.
And I know every button to press to get what I want.
One drunken promise is going to ruin my life.
I told him I’d watch out for his wife if he died.
The task was easy enough when I was overseas.
All I had to do was send a letter, or make a phone call.
But coming home and seeing her will be my undoing.
She’s everywhere I go.
Everywhere I turn.
Now, I can’t take my eyes off her even when I want to.
Keeping her safe means I have to stay away.
Because the thoughts going through my head …
Well they’re enough to send me straight to hell.
Parker Hayes is quickly invading every aspect of my life.
One drunken promise… That’s what it always circles back to.
I’ve been trained to go balls to the wall with every mission.
Never back down. Never surrender. Never walk away.
Even if what we have becomes collateral damage.
Balls to the Wall is a very emotional friends to enemies to lovers romance. In my opinion, this book felt a lot like a second chance romance except it wasn’t really one because Remy and Parker never really dated each other. But there were a lot of past (and present) feelings between them.
I was a bit confused at first when I started reading because I couldn’t quite figure out what could’ve possibly happen between Remy and Parker. Honestly, it took me a while to really grasp how their friendship, or lack thereof, and their feelings evolved through the years. There were so many hidden feelings, so much angst, so many hidden emotions and misunderstandings. There was so much history between these two that my heart broke mainly for Parker.
This is a very emotional story. Parker went through a lot in her life, living in a small town where everyone shared opinions on what she should do and everyone thought they knew what really happened between her, Remy and Danny, her husband, before they were deployed overseas. Remy was a cop now, back home, but he kept his distance from Parker even though he promised Danny that he would watch out for her. Slowly, we get the full picture of what really happened between Remy and Parker. Which brings me to the reason I didn’t love Remy, his motives for staying away from Parker didn’t make sense to me. I definitely understood why he pushed her away before his first deployment but it just didn’t make sense how he was still keeping himself totally removed from Parker’s life in the beginning of the book. Also, Parker should have definitely made him grovel. I think there were a lot of secrets and guilt that just generated a lot of hurt especially in Parker’s, and also in Remy’s, lives.
Remy had some redeeming qualities: the letters were amazing (you’ll get it if you read the book) and his relationship with Nox was heart warming and cute. His character development was good but he never really won me over. Parker and Remy had a lot of chemistry between them, so I certainly enjoyed when things started happening between them. I really enjoyed the secondary characters, the small town setting and I’m very intrigued about the next book in this series that will be Kennedy, Parker’s best friend and my favorite secondary character, and Linc’s story. I’ll definitely read the next one in this series.